nytyngayl: (Default)



MY JOURNAL IS:

Private
Often drama-filled
Occasionally angsty
Personal
Sometimes fangirlish

Comment to be added. Don't expect that I will add you. I'm not the type to use filters, and some of what gets posted here is for close friends only.

MUSELIST

Sep. 20th, 2020 12:22 am
nytyngayl: (Star Trek XI | Embraces)
..active muses..



Cole
Dragon Age
Malina Sokolowski
Iron Druid Chronicles
Calanthe
Wraeththu Novels
Annabeth Chase
Percy Jackson Novels


Cobweb
Wraeththu Novels







..inactive muses..




Art again

Nov. 7th, 2011 06:37 pm
nytyngayl: (Default)
One new picture this time. Again, of Andrej Pejic. As, apparently, the denial of my possession of his pictures inspires me to finish artwork of him.

Andrej Pejic )


For more art visit my Facebook Album!
nytyngayl: (Default)
I have successfully managed to get pictures of Andrej Pejic banned from my computer for the duration of my stay at BYU-Idaho. They have been classified as "inappropriate" and "pornographic." Why?

Because someone can't one: pause to ask me what's going on before they start flinging accusations, two: stop to look for a second to determine that it is, in fact, a man taking his shirt off, and three: admit that there is artistic value in his photoshoots. I've been formally asked by a religious leader who has the say in whether or not I get to stay and finish my degree to delete the pictures, change my wallpaper, possibly install a filter (I'm planning on fighting this one), and suggested to attend group therapy for pornography addicts.

I've had problems with this in the past, though the roommate in question never took it to the religious official. This time, I've been ratted out by a fiance of a roommate who couldn't be bothered to look twice or talk to me about it and let me know that he was offended. If he'd done that, I would have changed the screensaver and not thought another thing of it. Now, I refuse to speak to him. Ever again. Who knows what else I could have or do or say that's "inappropriate" and "pornographic?"

When I look at these pictures, I don't see something masturbatory--I see something beautiful. It takes skill to make a man look like a woman. Admittedly, delicate bone structure and features help, but making him look like a woman takes some serious talent with wardrobe and makeup. And I can admire that. I can also admire that the photos are framed beautifully. It doesn't hurt that transgenders, transvestites, and androgyns have always fascinated me, for the simple fact that they're just a little left of what's been defined by the rest of the world as "center." This is the same reason that I am so in love with the faerie myths of Ireland--particularly the idea of changelings.

Furthermore, there is some captivating social commentary in these pictures. Dressing a man in a skirt illuminates, to me, the gender issues that we still struggle with in America. Andrej Pejic has a quote that has been my journal title for a while now: "...if a man is called a woman, that’s the biggest insult he could get. Is that because women are considered something less?" No. They aren't. And a man standing up for that is an amazing thing. He's fine with being a boy--he's said so. He isn't considering surgery, just most of what he likes happens to be more feminine. Because there's nothing wrong with being a woman.

Evidently, however, this means that he and everything he does is "wrong." The backwards farmboy attitudes of this community--this school in particular--are holding back the idea of progressive thinking. Yes, I can be religious and believe God created the world and everything in it--through the Big Bang, dust from collapsed stars, and evolution. Yes, I can realize that according to my religious beliefs wearing dresses is not something that I want to encourage in my own sons, but I can also appreciate that someone else doesn't think the same way I do, and find them just as beautiful as I'd find anyone else. The human body is supposed to be something beautiful, so why can I not appreciate that?

Classic art is filled with examples of nudity to exemplify God's human creation. There's too much religiously-themed art with nakedness in it--and blatant nakedness--to even begin to count. "Classic" art centers on so many disgusting themes--war, murder, violence, rape--and yet, it gets off scott-free for being a painting and for being painted before 1700. And here I'm branded as a sinner and a borderline addict with "compulsive behavior" because I find something valuable and artistic in a few photographs of a man wearing a skirt, or with no shirt on.

A teacher on campus told me "this community has a probelm with sexual repression" and I have to agree with him. There is so much sexual frustration in a town founded mainly on religious purposes and filled with people who believe that pre-marital sex is a bad thing. I am religious, and I do agree, however, the entire world isn't like that. And I can understand that. What works for me doesn't work for someone else. What works in Rexburg, Idaho doesn't work in Sacramento, California or Seattle, Washington or Boston, Massachusetts. I'm smart enough to take a step back from the over-zealous religious bullshit that caused the Crusades and realize that I live in a world--not a bubble. And I'm being punished for finding some beauty in it. There is so much angst and taboo about sex that the moment someone steps out of the little line of baby ducks that's been tradition for so long, they're all but branded a threat and a terrorist. The moment someone begins to realize that the human body is to be loved and not feared, the not-so-secret whisper of "sin" follows them around.

And you know what? Pejic has some photoshoots that I simply do not have pictures of. Because they held little artistic value to me. There is one in particular that I am thinking of; I glanced at the photos once and, while the nudes were tastefully done and nothing was actually seen, I didn't see a purpose in it, other than having a bunch of people nude. So I don't have those pictures. Everything that I saved to my harddrive I was comfortable showing my mother. She'd even seen most of them. My father has told me on several occasions that he is fine with my fascination with androgyny--he actually finds it a little fascinating himself and almost encourages me to explore it. Both of them are active, practicing Mormons--as I am.

Additionally, I am "not allowed" to have pictures of fully-clothed females that I find attractive either, as this apparently means that I'm "experimenting." This is a subject that I want to cut off before the accusations start flying. I am not a lesbian. I am not bisexual. I am not "experimenting" with either one. I refer back to my comments about "what works for me doesn't work for someone else." Mormons seem to have this fear of the LGBT community and simply refuse to accept that they exist in this nation--except when they're trying for something contrary to their beliefs. And, again, I'm punished for seeing someone lovely and appreciating her beauty. [A quick aside here, this isn't to say that I have anything personally against anyone who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, pansexual, a-sexual, or anything else other than straight. As most of my RP friends can attest, I don't shy away from that kind of thing at all. There is absolutely nothing different about being friends with, say, a lesbian over a straight person and I do not mind in the slightest what your orientation is. I won't judge, I won't condemn you to hell. It's your own life. Do whatever you want with it.]

I can look at something and not make it a part of my life. I can appreciate the evil and the mistakes in the world and the lessons that they teach without going out and trying it myself. I can take the lessons on sexuality in an artistic photo or two and not go out to have sex with the first man I come across. That is the part that most people do not seem to understand--I am capable of looking from a distance. I can learn from something someone else has done--mistake or no--from just watching. And so can anyone else, if they'd stop treating it as something to be feared and punished--if they'd stop and think for moment, the art would present itself, but since it deviates from their little pattern, "obviously" I am a deviant.

ART

Jul. 14th, 2011 07:09 pm
nytyngayl: (Andrej | Narcissus)
A couple of new art-like things:

Andrej Pejic )


Guild Wars )


For more art visit my Facebook Album!
nytyngayl: (Fringe | Fauxlivia)
So I had kind of an experience tonight/this morning/whatever that made me wonder a little.

It basically started around a discussion of this model. His name is Andrej Pejic, for those that don’t know. I stumbled across him as I was looking for a PB for [livejournal.com profile] adeptible.

Now with the background, let’s continue.

While I was hunting down icons to fill in the extra space I bought for Starwind, I mentioned, offhandedly and mostly to myself, something that essentially amounted to “damn, he can really look like a chick when he wants to.” Which, of course, got the roommate curious, so she came over to see what I had said that about.

And she proceeded to say “ew” to every picture I brought up, and when I apologized and explained why I had chosen that particular model (he’s the closest to the book character’s description which was met with “why couldn’t you have picked a girl?” and answered with “…why would I use a girl when the character is a man?”) and that I have kind of a thing for androgynous guys, she basically accused me of being disgusting and was more than a little obviously concerned—and even insinuated—that I might like girls. Which, while I don’t have anything against anyone that does, is untrue.

Eventually, we switched topics and she went to bed, but now I’m starting to wonder. Is it really that bad to find something fascinating—even something beautiful in androgyny? I’m allowed to think guys are hot and girls are sexy, so why can’t I think that someone who could be either is gorgeous? Is there something inherently awful about the idea that makes me a pervert for finding it just as lovely as I’d find a similarly attractive woman? Or man? Am I not allowed to appreciate something that I find pretty without making it my own lifestyle?

I’m just not sure if this a Mormon thing that she’s going off about, or her own preferences, or whatever, but when she left, I felt almost a little dirty, and I don’t think that’s right. She’s fine with me listening to Lady Gaga, but I hit her with a little thing that I find both intriguing and attractive (and not just because of anime/video games/Sephiroth), I’m like a plague carrier.

Is there a problem? Does this make me some sexual deviant? It’s not like I intend to go out and OMG SEX guys that look like girls. I don’t feel that she was right in making me feel that way, and she’s damn well entitled to her own opinion and I’m damn well entitled to mine. But now I’m starting to wonder.
nytyngayl: (Fringe | Fauxlivia)


Here, let me make this huge:

Here's my thread, gaiz.

I'm drawing stuff. Here's to hoping that we can get some aid down to the right people to help. Unfortunately, there's no preventing things like this, but we can help get everything cleaned up and help those that can't do much for themselves while their country is buried under literal feet of water.

Arts lol

Nov. 15th, 2010 04:13 pm
nytyngayl: (Default)
So I drew some stuff. Well, one thing. But. I'm rather proud of it.

Cut for siiiiiiiiiize )
nytyngayl: (Overwith)
Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I'm very much interested in the dark, gothic kinds of fashion. And I found this photoshoot on firefly path and fell in love with the idea.

Preview:



I'll show just how far the rabbit hole goes. )

And of course, as per usual, all photos are courtesy Firefly Path.
nytyngayl: (Glee!)
Alright. So I've been playing with icons again.

Some are recolors, some aren't, sometimes I gave the original, sometimes I didn't, some are in black and white, and...well you get it.

Preview:



Follow the yellow brick road! )
nytyngayl: (House MD)
68 more guys. I blame Kat for these.

Preview:




YET AGAIN CLICK IT. )
nytyngayl: (Overwith)
Beth got into a very icon-y mood yesterday and made 80 more.

Also included are two icons that didn't make it onto the last post because they were in the wrong spot on my harddrive.

Preview:



CLICK IT. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. )
nytyngayl: (Glee!)
Beth does not do this often (or at all), but she was making icons for one of her characters and came across other pics that would make awesome icons, so here goes nothing.

Preview:



AND WITH A TABLE RECODE OFF WE GO. )
nytyngayl: (Default)
Yeah, I still draw when I can find time, even though I basically fail.

There's a few. Cut for Friends Page Friendliness )

So there you have it. I doodle.


For more art visit my Facebook Album!
nytyngayl: (Default)
※気づいていた
ホントの気持ちを
伝えるのがとても恐かった
言えずにいた一言を
いますぐに君へと
届けたい※

泣き出しそうな夕暮れ眺めながら
強くなる風の中で
まだ立ち尽くしてる
溢れそうな人波 だけど気がつけば
君の背中ただ
探してた

△突然いま一粒の雪が
私のこの頬に落ちてきた
開いてみた掌で
儚く溶けてゆく消えてゆく△

☆雲に隠れた白い月が
不安な心照らしてる
闇にかすんだ道の先の
どこかにきっと君がいる☆

いつも気の合う仲間と
はしゃいでても
どこか小さな孤独を
胸に抱きしめてた
潰れそうな毎日
くじけそうな時も
君の優しさはそこにある

今頃きっと一粒の雪が
君のその頬にも落ちるだろ
伸してみたこの腕が
いますぐその頬に届くように

あのとき駆けた流れ星が 私の願い聞いていた
離れ離れのふたりの手を
祈るみたいに重ねたい
(※くり返し)
(△くり返し)
(☆くり返し)

Click me for romaji/translation!!! )
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